Ride for Pain final post

The total amount raised by those who donated for me, excluding those who may have misspelled my name or forgot my name or couldnt follow clear instructions was $840. On calculation that would purchase 212.6 packets of paracetamol; a relatively effective analgesic. That was the cheapest legal price I could find. I decided to round up to 213 packets of 100 tablets and if you think that is cheating then I can honestly say that you are not in the spirit of this blog.
     Placing these tablets against one another creates a line approximately 2.8 kilometres long. Enough to create a 13mm wide bridge between my home and the next suburb. Not even returning.
     So, that proves the drugs dont work. That is a great song title. Someone should write that song.
     Songs ... fucken hard to write. So why should anyone bother? Are songs even worth it?
     When you get a corporate creation of minimal age writing of love and loss and being successful in terms of dollar value does it make anyone else vomit with rage and incredulity? I spew my last meal and any associated fluids and then bile and, fuck it, I dry wretch and then I just heave out my stomach and regurgitate that. If I run out of internal organs to disorge in a cascade of suicidal inversion then perhaps I, through thought-process alone, could create some blackhole of vomitus to express my displeasure at the sort of stuff that people will pay for to entertain themselves.
     I'm not immune to that either. Not specifically in relation to music.
     I'm not proud of that.
     Does that mean I cannot judge something else?
     Fuck no!
     It means I have a perfectly balanced experiential basis upon which to base my conclusions.
     Nothing is worth it. Nothing is of worth. Nothing should have a dollar value placed upon it.
     Nothing.
     In case you are interested I went to see The Drones. I paid $40.
     Worth every dollar.
     Contradiction soup.
     Makes me human I suppose. To bemoan a dollar value and then feel something was worth the cost. I had a smile on my stupid face the whole night and didnt move from my spot and enjoyed every minute and would like the world I envisage in which someone could be supported in creating music like that for free for the enjoyment of others and for the crowd to enjoy it knowing that their home grown tomatoes or home produced art or home typed story could be part of the adequate barter for such a performance.
     Now ... dont sympathise with me.
     That was an instruction.
     I know that I couldnt write a song that perfect in scope and meaning and context. Let alone sing it.
     Yet I feel every bit of it. I want to be able.
     I want to be able
     I want to be able
     I want to be able.
     It takes too much of what I cannot give or do not have or may not understand or will not sacrifice.
     I need to stop pushing the 'ENTER' button and just create a sentence that is not a paragraph in itself and is not just a line of prose that illustrates my state of mind in absolute confusion and disdainful selfdeprocation for my creative life up until this point. Is one sentence that takes up four lines enough to absolve me of using too many paragraph breaks?
     Is anybody else enjoying this blog? Does anybody else feel that loss when they hear a Radiohead song? The loss of the song that was within but was not able to be written clearly enough. That realisation that a song chrystallises thoughts within so well that it can make you depressed and elated at the same time.
     The song that forms only part of an album worth whatever someone wanted to pay for it as long as it was above a few pence. Really distressing for me that Radiohead is red-squiggly-underlined when pizza and consumerism and shopping mall and fuck-head is not.
     But should Radiohead be in the dictionary when that could mean the mainstreaming of the greatest band in the digital age to use the digital age? And does inclusion in the blogspot dictionary mean mainstreaming?
     At one point britney spears was in the official oxford dictionary (lower case purposely entered).
     How does someone get from a donation total for a charity bikeride to questioning the entries of an English dictionary?
     Tom.